premise: I apologise for my oversharing but these days I feel very inspired to use this forum.

 

I moved to Denmark about a year and a half ago, I gave up everything I had in Italy (mainly friends and work) cuz I felt this was where I belonged.

I travelled a lot around here as a child, and it was my little dream to come and live here one day. 

I'm getting on incredibly well and I'm totally enthusiastic about this country. 

The question is this: 

I have observed how in Denmark (or indeed here in the capital) it's very rare for a man to whistle at you or make loud appreciations, or stare at you insistently, etc.

Despite the fact that in Italy such behaviour is practically the norm, I have never received it much, perhaps because I have spent half my life hiding everything that could be sexualised. I was scared.

 

here a famous video about this :

 

 

Yet since I moved here, I've found myself completely on the opposite side; I love men looking at me, I mean it's something I sincerely find exciting. 

The explanation I have given myself is because it's something rare in this city. 

Feminists have often spoken of the 'male gaze', which is very present in Italian culture (where I come from),

that is, women, having grown up in a macho society, have internalised the search for approval from men. 

 

I don't understand whether seeking the male gaze in a country where it's not so massively present is something that overturns the very concept of machismo. 

Have I made myself clear? I don't know, maybe. Tell me what you think, if you like 

 

*ohmm...Sorry guys I'm a heavyweight when I have to speak my mind

yuki skrev, for 14 minutter siden:

premise: I apologise for my oversharing but these days I feel very inspired to use this forum.

 

I moved to Denmark about a year and a half ago, I gave up everything I had in Italy (mainly friends and work) cuz I felt this was where I belonged.

I travelled a lot around here as a child, and it was my little dream to come and live here one day. 

I'm getting on incredibly well and I'm totally enthusiastic about this country. 

The question is this: 

I have observed how in Denmark (or indeed here in the capital) it's very rare for a man to whistle at you or make loud appreciations, or stare at you insistently, etc.

Despite the fact that in Italy such behaviour is practically the norm, I have never received it much, perhaps because I have spent half my life hiding everything that could be sexualised. I was scared.

 

here a famous video about this :

 

 

Yet since I moved here, I've found myself completely on the opposite side; I love men looking at me, I mean it's something I sincerely find exciting. 

The explanation I have given myself is because it's something rare in this city. 

Feminists have often spoken of the 'male gaze', which is very present in Italian culture (where I come from),

that is, women, having grown up in a macho society, have internalised the search for approval from men. 

 

I don't understand whether seeking the male gaze in a country where it's not so massively present is something that overturns the very concept of machismo. 

Have I made myself clear? I don't know, maybe. Tell me what you think, if you like 

 

*ohmm...Sorry guys I'm a heavyweight when I have to speak my mind

Well i guess the concept of machismo is different from culture to culture. Being manly in danish culture doesn't have to mean staring at the female body or catcalling. My own experience of manliness in denmark has more to do with respecting other people and their boundaries.

So if you are looking for the male gaze, you might actually get the exact opposite kind of man you are looking for. Did that make any sense?

I guess its mostly a cultural thing…

Probably also enhanced by all the negative attention this gets in the press, women feeling offended by guys flirting etc.

it’s a bit of a shame, and in this case I prefer a something in between the danish and Italian way…

balls2you skrev, for 7 minutter siden:

Beh, immagino che il concetto di maschilismo sia diverso da cultura a cultura. Essere virili nella cultura danese non deve significare fissare il corpo femminile o fischiare. La mia esperienza di virilità in Danimarca ha più a che fare con il rispetto delle altre persone e dei loro confini.

Quindi, se stai cercando lo sguardo maschile, potresti effettivamente ottenere l'esatto opposto del tipo di uomo che stai cercando. Aveva senso?

OK on re-reading I explained it wrong, let's say I don't look for those rare men who do. But I do everything to get the look because I like to 'bribe' those who are not used to it. Do you understand better now? 

but your answer still makes a lot of sense, thank u 

yuki skrev, for 2 minutter siden:

OK on re-reading I explained it wrong, let's say I don't look for those rare men who do. But I do everything to get the look because I like to 'bribe' those who are not used to it. Do you understand better now? 

but your answer still makes a lot of sense, thank u 

Ahh okay, so you are trying to temp danish men into staring at you? did i understand you correctly?

Maspero skrev, for 5 minutter siden:

Immagino che sia principalmente una questione culturale...

Probabilmente anche migliorato da tutta l'attenzione negativa che questo riceve dalla stampa, le donne che si sentono offese dai ragazzi che flirtano ecc.

è un po' un peccato, e in questo caso preferisco una via di mezzo tra il modo danese e quello italiano...

I'm shocked that every time I go to some club/bar etc. no one tries to flirt it's unbelievable (!).

From my little experience I've understood that with Danish men (pass me the generalisation, pls)

all you have to do is be very explicit and they'll always say yes.

i.e. it's magical to have the power to decide what to do, in Italy it's the other way around, in a general way, it's you who have to accept the male conditions

balls2you skrev, for 2 minutter siden:

Ahh okay, so you are trying to temp danish men into staring at you? did i understand you correctly?

Exactly! then it should be pointed out, I'm looking for a look and not for whistles and abusive compliments.

yuki skrev, for 1 minut siden:

Exactly! then it should be pointed out, I'm looking for a look and not for whistles and abusive compliments.

I understand. Although i dont know you, i am sure you manage to get the looks you want.

balls2you skrev, for 2 minutter siden:

I understand. Although i dont know you, i am sure you manage to get the looks you want.

and do you find this behaviour to be the result of a Macist culture or mere kink for exhibitionism?

yuki skrev, Lige nu:

and do you find this behaviour to be the result of a Macist culture or mere kink for exhibitionism?

Your behavior? Hmm i would think that it is connected. You growing up in a culture where that kind of behavior is the norm might have taught you to seek out that behavior as a form of acceptance, laying the foundation for your exhibitionist kink.

balls2you skrev, for 1 minut siden:

Your behavior? Hmm i would think that it is connected. You growing up in a culture where that kind of behavior is the norm might have taught you to seek out that behavior as a form of acceptance, laying the foundation for your exhibitionist kink.

well, you have indeed hit the nail on the head I think, it all makes a lot of sense

mange tak 

@yuki They ARE looking, Honey  
It's just MUCH more subtle than you're used to. 

Very generally speaking:
It's a very different "language" here, though. It's subtile and Scandinavian men tend to point the direction of their "gaze" to your eyes or face rather than the "elevator-look". And it's rarely accompanied by any kind of words, whistles etc.
Unless they're drunk, travel in packs or somehow in a safer environment than just in the street/in public.
When they DO go beyond the "subtile gaze" they'll start a conversation. Some men will wait until your date goes to the toilet before they start flirting. But it's often camouflaged as polite conversation. They're "testing the temperature of the water" before they go all in.

If you really want to get their "gaze" and feel the dash of "empowerment" I think you might be looking for, then: 
Look them straight into their eyes and smile. 
That'll confuse them enough for you to get a read. If they are brave enough, (and actually interested) they'll follow you for a while, hoping you'll do it again, just to make sure they weren't imagining it the first time  

I have a very close Latina girlfriend who's lived in Denmark for 20+ years. She still doesn't quite get it. 
Sometimes in the summer when we cruise around across town in my car, and the windows are down, she'll YELL from the top of her lungs: "PAPIIII" when we pass a gorgeous man on the street. She's from a culture similar to yours when it comes to "the gaze", I would think. 

We still do it - we just speak a different (body)language, too. 
Personally, I like it the Scandinavian way better.

Welcome to Denmark... Enjoy! 

Bliss! 
/Eva 

PS: You should visit Sweden or Norway... Denmark and especially Copenhagen is considered "slutty and loose" in comparison when it comes to these things  
 

Redigeret 2. Februar, 2023 3 år af Eva Nadine

Eva Nadine skrev, for 9 minutter siden:

PS: You should visit Sweden or Norway... Denmark and especially Copenhagen is considered "slutty and loose" in comparison when it comes to these things  
 

Couldn't agree more. Compared to slutty Denmark, Sweden is an elegant and refined country. That's why Swedish not so refined men visit Denmark, and Swedish not so refined women fuck latinos.

@Eva Nadine @Bananas thanks for the answers. haha. 

Generalisations are always somewhat simplified readings. but hey! I love having an exchange on different cultural aspects. 

I've always been obsessed with Scandinavian culture, I became interested at the age of 16 by reading some Jante's stuff. 

and Like... italy is often romanticised, I would have an endless list of our bad habits. This very statement is a result of my Italian-ness, and we complain as a lifestyle 

Is not easy today to be a man... If you give a woman her attention, they offen attack you for harassment and if you do nothing they also complain and say you cold.

All this MeToo, lgbtquia++ and blm have changed Denmark so you have to be very carefull how to act in public or you get a stamp

 

I feel after the corona hit the world and was lookdowns and isolations peoples way to easy get affendted....

Guess it's the "#me too" thing.
Acknowledge that a women is good looking, is often seen as inappropriate in DK

Society as a whole is very cold. We do not like to raise attention to ourselves, or maybe we are afraid of rejection.

Personally I do not stare more than 1-2 seconds at a woman, and never in her sight. I am fearful that I would cause discomfort if she noticed and do not reciprocate my "gaze". 

I just think Scandinavians have an urgency to appear cool and collected in public at all times. 

Being alcohol into the equation, and all logic goes out the window. But liquid courage is usually never the best option to solve any matter. 

 

I think that 95% of the Danish women that I know would REALLY not like to get the unwanted attention that the woman is getting in the video. 

Therefore Danish men are WAY more subtle than this, we are trying to express respect for the whole woman, not only her looks. We will definitely be looking, but not very obvious, and almost NEVER making a point out of it, by talking, whistling og uttering other sounds. 

bull1977 skrev, for 6 timer siden:

Is not easy today to be a man... If you give a woman her attention, they offen attack you for harassment and if you do nothing they also complain and say you cold.

All this MeToo, lgbtquia++ and blm have changed Denmark so you have to be very carefull how to act in public or you get a stamp

Really ??You think so?? honestly?? From anything else than a theoretical viewpoint??

Have you ever been rejected or frowned upon after giving a compliment?? (because of the compliment?)

I actually don't think that it's that difficult. Normal, polite, decent behaviour will not get you in trouble. And that normal, polite, decent behaviour can easily include giving a woman attention, compliments, flirting etc. You just need to have a little feeling with what you're doing and how it's perceived. And a bit of charm doesn't hurt of course. But difficult to be a man because of MeToo etc?? Not at all

Redigeret 3. Februar, 2023 3 år af tvr

Bear skrev, for 5 timer siden:

I think that 95% of the Danish women that I know would REALLY not like to get the unwanted attention that the woman is getting in the video. 

Therefore Danish men are WAY more subtle than this, we are trying to express respect for the whole woman, not only her looks. We will definitely be looking, but not very obvious, and almost NEVER making a point out of it, by talking, whistling og uttering other sounds. 

She start to ask why the different, and i remember as young we could whistle, look and talk to ladies without been out shamed but today try and you will be by 95  % of the times.  Is how it is today, before you never hear ladies asking for attention like you see slow they are now i have not meet @yuki but if i do promise her to whistle and look

tvr skrev, for 1 time siden:

Really ??You think so?? honestly?? From anything else than a theoretical viewpoint??

Have you ever been rejected or frowned upon after giving a compliment?? (because of the compliment?)

I actually don't think that it's that difficult. Normal, polite, decent behaviour will not get you in trouble. And that normal, polite, decent behaviour can easily include giving a woman attention, compliments, flirting etc. You just need to have a little feeling with what you're doing and how it's perceived. And a bit of charm doesn't hurt of course. But difficult to be a man because of MeToo etc?? Not at all

Thank you. It's getting a bit tiring with all this whining and whimpering about how hard life has become for men. Hopefully #metoo has made life a little easier for women.

Bananas skrev, for 49 minutter siden:

Thank you. It's getting a bit tiring with all this whining and whimpering about how hard life has become for men. Hopefully #metoo has made life a little easier for women.

well, that's exactly the point. Some people seem to think that making life easier for some women means that life's getting harder for men. That's obviously the case. At leat not if you behave decently.

bull1977 skrev, for 8 timer siden:

Is not easy today to be a man... If you give a woman her attention, they offen attack you for harassment and if you do nothing they also complain and say you cold.

All this MeToo, lgbtquia++ and blm have changed Denmark so you have to be very carefull how to act in public or you get a stamp

 

I feel after the corona hit the world and was lookdowns and isolations peoples way to easy get affendted....

 

tvr skrev, for 2 timer siden:

Really ??You think so?? honestly?? From anything else than a theoretical viewpoint??

Have you ever been rejected or frowned upon after giving a compliment?? (because of the compliment?)

I actually don't think that it's that difficult. Normal, polite, decent behaviour will not get you in trouble. And that normal, polite, decent behaviour can easily include giving a woman attention, compliments, flirting etc. You just need to have a little feeling with what you're doing and how it's perceived. And a bit of charm doesn't hurt of course. But difficult to be a man because of MeToo etc?? Not at all

as far as I'm concerned (but beware) it's my way, it may not be shared by all women. Cuz everyone has different life experiences. 

I just want to be looked at (no whistles or anything else), and I'm the one who tends to seek attention, trying to meet your gaze. If I don't want them I will look at you sideways and try to move away. The important thing is not to continue and not to insist after this happens. 

Frankly I don't think metoo is a problem, the real damage is how the media has treated it, that is, with a misogynistic perspective.

That has made some men angry and afraid of being "dominated" by women. 

But hey, if you look closely, the world is still in the hands of men. Just go to Italy and see how men have all the positions of power in society for example.

Media is to blame most Trouble in world. I think also that many are more and more having social life online change behavior. Is like like many look around to find something that can affend them

Anyone here remember last time looking at anyone and get a smile back? 

2-3 seconds eye contact and a smile save the day

yuki skrev, for 12 minutter siden:

That has made some men angry and afraid of being "dominated" by women. 

Weak and insecure men, most likely