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What sexual fantasies do women have in their heads?

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It is a tool available to everyone to enjoy. We ask them how they use it.

It is a tool available to everyone to enjoy. We ask them how they use it. "Almost all people have a sexed inner world and we are curious to know what and how others fantasize," says psychologist and sexologist Georgina Burgos in her book Proyecto Tabú (Editorial Fundamentos) for which she collected the testimonies of more than 5,000 people about their erotic fantasies. Burgos points out: "The sexual fantasy is an erotic resource as it can be a pornographic movie or a toy. While we fantasize, in the imagination there are no consequences that this action could have in reality. Neither do we have to measure up nor are we going to be judged. If we imagine that we perform a sexual practice that in reality can cause pain, for example, in our imagination it turns out that it is not painful and therefore, we fantasize about it with absolute freedom ". It is, after all, a tool available to anyone to enjoy a few minutes 100% pleasant.

However, what initially sounds positive can also be a double-edged sword that makes us suffer. First because if you put it into practice, it could end up being a bad experience. "From fantasy to reality there is a distance. You can imagine that you have sex with 17 men and it may seem super exciting. But at the moment of truth, we would see if you would be able to endure it and if the room would still want you so much, "says journalist and sexologist Sylvia de Béjar, author of the books Tu sexo es tuyo (Planet) and Deseo, in a humorous tone. (Planet).

"Nancy Friday, who has written one of the best books about female sexual fantasies, My Secret Garden, spoke with hundreds of people for hours and said, literally, that 'for every person who has made me share in the joy that came with it to make his sexual fantasies come true, there are three or four who knew beforehand that the attempt would not work or if they had tried it, they were disappointed ", adds De Béjar.

Fantasies, in turn, can also cause internal conflicts, even if they do not materialize. "Some people, certain fantasies can cause discomfort because they cause a lot of excitement and believe that they should not allow that kind of images. If we give them a negative connotation, we will perceive them as annoying, "says sexologist Burgos.

Regardless of how they alter or help us, it is clear that both men and women, without distinction, have erotically hyperactive minds since according to the research of Proyecto Tabú, 95% of people fantasize about sex. The question is: is there a difference between what they imagine and what they dream? "Between men and women there are more points in common than in discord. Even so, there are some nuances that separate them. For example, in females there is a tendency to add elements and adorn fantasies with more details, "says Georgina Burgos.

The sexologist De Béjar, on the other hand, complements this statement with what she has seen over the years: "It is in how we imagine in what maybe there is more difference with respect to them. We are more imaginative, romantic and inclined to add more emotion to the plot of our fantasies. We are probably more than recreating the story. This is exciting for us even though nothing physical is happening yet in our fiction. "

Another small nuance is what. "There is everything, but it is true that for many generations women have chosen a fairly passive role in fantasies. The thing about dominating was something that we did not allow ourselves, because we had been educated that this is dirty and we have to be discreet. This has led many women to choose fantasies where they were seen in a passive role. While men have always tended to the visual and the action. Doing or letting yourself do something, but action, "says Sylvia herself.

What the experts know, as Georgina Burgos indicates after her investigation Project Taboo, is the type of recurrent sexual fantasy in women. "The most frequent is the one that involves places that have an erotic sense or that provide a plus of eroticism, such as doing it on the hood of a car, on the beach, in an elevator or in a store fitting room. That is to say, the place as center and erotic component. The others are the trios and have a sexual relationship with a stranger. The latter, for example, occurs in 12% of women, while in them the percentage only reaches 5%, "describes the psychologist-sexologist.

However, they are the most frequent does not mean they are the only ones, because there are for all tastes, as De Béjar specifies: "There are some very innocent, people who have very simple fantasies, and other very complicated." And are there any that are more perverse than others? "Yes, zoophilia is a perversion for many people, but we must remember that perversion is in the eyes of the person who looks. That is, if a person who is dedicated to BDSM (bondage, submission and masochism) you tell him that you have a fantasy where they tie you and give you cheeks in the ass will tell you that silly little thing unimportant. On the other hand, if you tell a person that this does not know what it is, nor does he live it, he will tell you what a horror. You create fantasies from many things, but in any case, whatever we think, unless we are horrified by what we think, sometimes happens, anything goes, "says De Béjar.

Sylvia de Béjar emphasizes: "Recreation in a fantasy is not synonymous, in any case, of wanting to put it into practice." What happens is that, as the sexologists explain, through fantasies we can also be removing ghosts, fears or things that have happened to us at some time and that still throb in the subconscious.

Studies and books, such as Confesiones sin vergüenza, by Valérie Tasso (Grijalbo), or Tell Me in Your Ear, by Sonsoles Fuentes and Laura Carrión (Temas de Hoy), confirm that the female erotic universe of the Spanish is as wide as the masculine one.

In an article already published in ICON, we wondered what sexual fantasies men have in their heads. This time it's up to them, and this is the result that thirty women have shared with ICON. The surnames have been omitted at the request of the participants:

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