Advice needed: Relationship with a sex worker

[cosminnad 0]

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Last year I unwillingly understood from my social media that my ex-girlfriend was being a sex worker in a country where she emigrated when we broke up. I knew she was having a normal job there but I was not aware about this second job of hers. After some talking and spending time together we rebuilt our relationship and now we are back together. We love each other! She had a dream to turn a family land to a small paradise and needed lots of money for it. I wanted to provide the money but she wanted it to be done with her own savings. It turned out that is why she wanted to break up with me, to go someone where she can earn it and not feel guilty that she is cheating on me. Now that I know about it, we figured out we can again be together. Even though, now she is closer to achieving her dream and getting all the budget sorted, she really liked working as a sex worker and does not intend to stop. She enjoyed meeting new people and having exciting hours with them in bed, which I don't mind but I am still insecure about it.

It would be very helpful if any sex workers or anyone reading here with same or similar case can share their experiences with having a relationship between a sex worker girl and a normal and faithful guy, who never paid for sex. How does it work in the long run? Is it possible to have a good relationship from a distance (3-4 weeks a year) with a sex worker? Is there something I should be more cautious about now in this kind of relationship? I made the mistake to read some of the reviews she had from customers and it felt like a déjà-vu. Most of them were describing a good love sex, a girlfriend like behaviour. Should there be any difference in the behaviour of a paid companion sex date and a real girlfriend date or the idea is to feel and be the same? Is the sex any different? After all she is having much more sex than I am, is it going to be neglected when done with the partner? How do sex workers distinguish the private life from the professional? Any advices will be appreciated!

[Verten 8]

This isn't going to be the most thorough reply right now, it's very late (or very early!) and I ought to be going to bed. If I remember, I will maybe come back tomorrow and expand on it a bit. In the meantime, feel free to send me a message privately if you'd like.

I used to be in a relationship with a sex worker. She didn't hide it from me. In fact it was something we had talked about and I consented to it. She had been in not a great place financially, and she saw it as one way of getting more financially stable and independent. She would talk about it every once in a while, and eventually I agreed that we could try it, on the condition that if I ever felt badly enough about it I could tell her to stop and that she would do so.
I think I'm a very open minded person. I think sex work is absolutely a valid line of work, and I realize that there's no romantic emotion involved in it (ideally), so I thought I'd be able to handle it okay.

As it turned out though, it unfortunately ended up being a big source of tension in our relationship. In spite of me rationally realizing these things, that it was just a job for her etc, I couldn't help but be jealous about it. I didn't get angry or anything like that about it, but there were definitely many times it was tearing me up inside a bit. I was encouraging to her, and comforting when she had a bad day and needed that. I wanted her to be successful and do well with it, but at the same time it hurt me when she was. It was a weird and confusing mixture of emotions.

I think maybe the most difficult and hurtful part of it for me was that I often felt that I didn't get as much emotional support from her as I was giving. And that leads me to I think the absolute most important piece of advice I can give you:  
make sure that you communicate how you're feeling to her and that she can give you emotional support when you need it. 

I can tell you're already feeling uneasy about this, so I'm sure you'll need it. Your emotional well being is important and you need to look after it. Since, from what you said, she seems happy with her work, your mental health is more at risk here than hers, so make sure it gets the care it needs. Of course, you should support her as well. You just both need to communicate and talk a lot about how you're feeling and how your relationship is going (well, that's good advice for all relationships).
Having friends you can talk and vent to as well when you need would be incredibly good too. I stupidly didn't talk to anyone about these things, this is actually I think the first time ever, and I too often let things build up inside.

 

As for your specific questions:

Citat

Is it possible to have a good relationship from a distance (3-4 weeks a year) with a sex worker?

Being apart from each other can be difficult in any relationship, so that might be an added source of tension on top of other things. Infamously long distance relationships are very hard to keep up, but if it's only a handful of weeks a year she's away, I would imagine it should be manageable.

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I made the mistake to read some of the reviews she had from customers and it felt like a déjà-vu. Most of them were describing a good love sex, a girlfriend like behaviour.

Oof, yeah, I did the same and it hurt. The morbid curiosity is incredibly hard to fight. In a sense it's almost a self-harming type of behavior. Like "I know if I read this I will feel like absolute shit, but now that I know it's there I can't not read it."
I don't have any particular advice here, except I guess "try not to do that." And if you do, I'll just reiterate what I said above: find an outlet for your emotions and thoughts. Talk to someone.

Citat

Should there be any difference in the behaviour of a paid companion sex date and a real girlfriend date or the idea is to feel and be the same? Is the sex any different?

Obviously I don't know your lady friend, so I can't comment on how she approaches things specifically. I will say though in our case, and I believe the same is true for the vast majority of sex workers, it's really just a job. Her acting like a girlfriend toward her clients is just that: acting. The experience of a genuine connection is part of the service she's selling, but it's not real. It's just her being a professional at her job. She doesn't actually have romantic feelings for her clients. Hopefully anyway. If she does then that's a whole other problem. This particular thing never worried me.

Citat

Is the sex any different? After all she is having much more sex than I am, is it going to be neglected when done with the partner? How do sex workers distinguish the private life from the professional?

I didn't feel any change to our sex life. Our sex was exactly as fulfilling as it always had been, and it was still marked with the chemistry we had and the emotional connection we shared. There was still all the love there. With me she had "real" sex, and with her client it was a professional courtesy.
With that said though it is absolutely natural for you to feel insecure about it. I did too at times. These feelings are perfectly valid to have. This is okay, as long as you deal with it in a healthy manner. Again, talk. Talk to your girlfriend and anyone else who can give you some support in those times (you can talk to me too).

 

Well, I think I will wrap up here for now. I realize I've maybe made this sound like absolute hell and doomed to fail, but I don't actually think it is. I think it is definitely possible to have a functional relationship with a sex worker, but it will just take more work than a more "normal" relationship. It can be done, just know though that it can be a rocky road at time.

I wish you the best of luck.

 

 

This did turn out to be a pretty in depth answer anyway, so disregard the first paragraph I wrote, haha. And now I'm definitely to tired to go back and proofread and edit this, so apologies if it's a bit rambly.

Redigeret 30. Maj, 2021 af Verten

[jenslillemandhansenv2 883]

Gad vide hvordan tråd starter er landet på Euroguide?

[JenniferRomantica 18216]

To be perfectly honest.. Sometimes the sex I have at work is better then the sex I get at home when in a relationship because it's easier.. It's easier to tell a perfect stranger what you want then to a person you love.. Theres no feelings you have to be protective of.. Buuuut it's just sex.. Who cares if someone else is better at it then you.? A man could shrew my brains out and I would still go to bed with the one I love at night.. The thing is that men and women absorbes love or receive love in different ways.. From natures side men is made to absorb "love" through sex to secure the species survival, women are made to absorb love through actions, favors, protection and so on.. We dont fall for men that gives us orgasms, we fall for men that can protect us and help us.. 

With that being said, sex with a partner gives more then just satisfaction, it gives the feeling of closeness and a feeling of belonging together that I would never allow myself to feel with a "guest".. 

As for my role in the "marriedbed" I actually think I'm more aware that my man never wants for nothing.. I've seen where men that "wants" goes.. I also love my job so I want to keep working which makes me more aware of pleasing my significant other so he doesn't feel that I have to stop work because he's missing out.. I'm sure some workinggirls feel different about some of these questions so dont take my answer as being true for all girls.. 

[JenniferRomantica 18216]

jenslillemandhansenv2 skrev, for 21 minutter siden:

Gad vide hvordan tråd starter er landet på Euroguide?

Måske han har fundet et link på sin kærestes annonce.. Siden han skriver han har læst nogle af de anmeldelser hun har fået.. Jeg linker da til mine anmeldelser.. 

Redigeret 30. Maj, 2021 af JenniferRomantica

[cosminnad 0]

Thank you all for the answers!

To expand a bit on the topic here are some more questions I would like to read some opinions about.

1. What are the cons of dating a sex worker?
2. What are the topics you as a sex worker would rather not talk about with your boyfriend?
3. @Verten Have you ever been concerned about your girlfriend's safety? My girlfriend is working as an independent escort in a private apartment where there is no one to protect her if the need be. She assured me she is okay and never had a problem with that but I am still uneasy. How do you deal with that?
4. How does it work when the kids come? 

Redigeret 30. Maj, 2021 af cosminnad

[Verten 8]

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@Verten Have you ever been concerned about your girlfriend's safety? My girlfriend is working as an independent escort in a private apartment where there is no one to protect her if the need be. She assured me she is okay and never had a problem with that but I am still uneasy. How do you deal with that?

Yes, definitely. Not ever full on afraid, but there is some inherent risk to this kind of work, so there was always some small amount of worry about "what if?" scenarios.
The way we dealt with it is that she would text me relevant details before she saw a client. So if she was doing outcalls she'd give me the address, or the hotel and room number, license plate if she was meeting the client in a car (I don't remember if that ever actually happened) and so on. Then at the end of her appointment she'd text or call me to let me know she was alright.
That way if something bad ever did happen and I didn't hear from her, I could call the police and tell them where to go or whatever. I didn't expect that it would ever come to that point, and it didn't, but it seemed like a reasonable precaution to take.

Redigeret 30. Maj, 2021 af Verten

[cosminnad 0]

Verten skrev, for 38 minutter siden:

Yes, definitely. Not ever full on afraid, but there is some inherent risk to this kind of work, so there was always some small amount of worry about "what if?" scenarios.
The way we dealt with it is that she would text me relevant details before she saw a client. So if she was doing outcalls she'd give me the address, or the hotel and room number, license plate if she was meeting the client in a car (I don't remember if that ever actually happened) and so on. Then at the end of her appointment she'd text or call me to let me know she was alright.
That way if something bad ever did happen and I didn't hear from her, I could call the police and tell them where to go or whatever. I didn't expect that it would ever come to that point, and it didn't, but it seemed like a reasonable precaution to take.

Thanks for the answer. Now we are doing something similar. She doesn't do outcalls but only incall services and lets me know for how long she has someone and gives me the person's number. I almost went crazy before we did that... Once we were texting and she said she needs to go for the next 1.5 hours as she had someone and when she is done she would call me to finish the conversation. She did not call for more than 3 hours and I was really, really worried what happened and felt powerless. It turned out it was one of her regulars who was extra horny this day and wanted to extend the booking. I felt bad that she has forgotten about me and we needed to talk about something important that day. Of course, we talked this through and agreed a small message when something like that happens would be nice.

How do you deal with people staring at your girlfriend when you are out for a walk? Did you have any problems with that? Or someone approaching her when you are together?

[Verten 8]

Dang, yeah, that would have me worried too. Good you guys talked about it, and figured out a better way to do things in the future

No one ever approached her when we were out together, so that wasn't ever an issue. As for people checking her out, I didn't ever mind that. She's an attractive woman, so it's natural to look. My jealousy doesn't extend that far. If anything it would make me feel proud, like "Yeah, this gorgeous woman you're checking out is mine." Haha.
 

[cosminnad 0]

@Verten From your text I understood that you are no longer in a relationship with her? May I ask if your break-up was caused by her being a sex worker?

[Verten 8]

cosminnad skrev, for 3 minutter siden:

@Verten From your text I understood that you are no longer in a relationship with her? May I ask if your break-up was caused by her being a sex worker?

Correct, I could have been more clear about that. No, we broke up for unrelated reasons.