Ja vi har jo et par stykker vi kan lege med hvis alt går galt 

This guy goes into a whore house and gives the lady at the front desk $500 and tells her that he wants a woman that can handle him.

She replies, “Go down the hall and it's the second door on the right.”

He does and just as they get started she starts screaming from the pain. He then marched back to the front desk and tells the woman that he said he wanted a woman that could handle him!

She says, “OK, go down the hall and it's the third door on the left.”

He does and once again the woman starts screaming just as they get started. Then he goes back to the front desk and she says “I know I know you want a women that can handle you.”

She says, “OK, OK, this time go all the way down the hall and down the stairs, there won’t be any lights so just feel around til you hit something wet and stick it in.”

He does this and just as they get started nothing happens there isn’t any screaming. Well he thinks, finally, this could work.

As he gets into it, he shouts “Oh yeah, talk to me baby”.

She replies “Mooooooo!”

What’s the difference between having sex with a hooker, your girlfriend, and your wife?
Hooker says, “Are you done yet?”
Your girlfriend says, “You’re done already?”
And your wife says, “Beige, we should definitely paint the ceiling beige.”

A bloke notices a gorgeous bird giving him the eye in the supermarket.
“Do I know you?” he asks.
She says, “Aren’t you the dad of one of my kids?”
He thinks back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful and says, “Were you the hooker I fucked over the pool table at my bucks night, while your mate spanked me with a piece of wet celery while shoving that massive cucumber up my ass?”
She stares at him and says, “No, I’m your daughter’s teacher!”

På apoteket...

- "Jeg vil gerne klage over de kondomer i sælger!"

- "Hvad er der galt med dem Hr.?"

- "I reklamerer med at det er sikker sex...."

- "Øøhh....Ja?"

- "Ja, nu har jeg købt 20 pakker og jeg har stadig ikke fået noget!"